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Taking Care of Elderly Parents
Taking responsibility for
the care of aging parents is a noble undertaking, especially
if parents are ill or dealing with dementia. While extended
family has wonderful benefits, the decision to bring
an elderly parent home to live with your family can
also carry a heavy toll if goals and guidelines are
not discussed ahead of time.
If you are considering this situation
for your own family, take time to discuss the following
issues. Not only will there be a realistic expectation
but the primary caregiver can have the support and understanding
they will so desperately need when things get difficult.
HOW LONG WILL THEY STAY?
The discussion of how long an elderly
parent stays will be determined by different issues.
If the parent is recuperating from an illness or the
death of their partner, the stay may be limited to a
specific time period.
If long term care is needed it is important
to decide what amount of care your family is capable
of providing. If more specialized care is eventually
needed, the family is agreed on the steps to be taken,
such as hiring a nurse or moving the parent to a nursing
home.
WHO WILL CARE FOR THEM?
It is unfair to expect a particular
member (usually the wife) to take on the responsibilities
of caring for the elderly parent unless this has been
decided beforehand. Caregiving can be very draining
and an individual working full time or caring for children
may not feel they can handle the extra work.
If one person decides to take on the
responsibility, other members should take on auxiliary
roles to relieve the main caregiver. These can be decided
beforehand or else the family should agree to help,
without irritation, when asked.
WHAT ARE THE RESPONSIBILITIES?
Along with deciding who is doing the
work, it is important to know what responsibilities
are involved. If there are health issues, the family,
or at least the parents, should be informed as to what
assistance they will be required to provide.
Children can take on responsibilities
such as helping with chores, sitting with the grandparent
so parents can do other chores or errands, or help care
for younger siblings.
Give children a realistic idea of the
demands you are taking on and keep communication open
so they can vent their own frustrations at losing some
of your attention and time.
HOW CAN THE CAREGIVER BE SUPPORTED?
Burnout is a major problem for caregivers.
Whether you are alone or dealing with the demands of
family along with caring for your parent, it is important
that the primary caregiver be given relief for defined
periods.
Family or friends can stay with the
parent while the caregiver takes some time away; a walk,
going shopping or even staying away for a night - especially
if care is usually around the clock.
Hiring an aide or arranging for a nurse
visit can also relieve the caregiver of excessive responsibility.
This ability to walk away from the caregiving will allow
the individual to relieve stress and keep perspective.
Time away, without guilt, is absolutely essential for
the caregiver's health and the proper care of the elderly
parent.
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