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How To Have a Happy Marriage
Do you believe in
falling in love? In finding that "special someone"
who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream
of finding the one person in all the world who will
understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter
what? If so, you're not alone. In fact, statistics show
that about 90% of adults will get married at least once
in their lives.
As a society, we've become so conditioned
to the fairy tale of "Happily Ever After"
that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking
something if they're not a part of a couple.
But sadly, just like in the movies,
most peoples' thoughts seem to stop at the part when
the music swells and the happy couple says "I do"
and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband
and wife. They don't think about what happens after
the honeymoon.
Considering that about 43% of all marriages
in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the
realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy
marriage should become required before signing on the
dotted line of a marriage license.
Having a happy marriage doesn't just
happen by accident. It doesn't happen because you're
"in love" or "perfect" for each
other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership,
it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help
it to grow strong.
Here are some tips given by couples
whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them,
adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you'll
be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy
marriage!
1. Communicate. It's important that
you keep the lines of communication open. Especially
when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences
that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends,
hobbies, education, church. If you're suddenly not being
able to spend time together, or you're fighting about
money, it's especially important to talk about what's
going on.
2. Listen. It's a sad fact that we are
often more polite to strangers than we are to the people
we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to
you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner,
to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem
in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd
give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don't try to finish
their sentences, don't try to solve their problems,
and don't ever say, "I told you so!" Here's
an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
3. Create rituals and family traditions.
Every successful couple has their own private rituals
- things they do that has a special meaning just to
them. So whether it's getting your spouse coffee every
morning, a special touch that means "I love you",
or creating couple signals for "Let's get out of
here, or "No, I don't want to buy a timeshare for
$95,000!" find your own. Remember some of your
favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate
them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday,
you'll look back on each time as a treasured memory.
4. Go on a date. Couples who have been
together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more
say that one of the things that has kept their marriage
strong is going out on a "date" with their
spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking
a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to
a drive-in. Spending quality "couple-time"
helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you
fall in love with each other in the first place.
5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly,
many couples never discuss money except in the most
superficial ways until after they're married. One of
the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because
of a difference in how money is handled in the couple.
Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings
about things like credit, paying bills and saving money.
Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle
the money. Finding out after the fact that you have
major differences is only going to lead to long term
problems.
6. Love and Respect. No matter what
happens outside of your marriage, it's vital that you
and your spouse always treat each other with love and
respect. There are some simple rules that have worked
for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today.
They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other
every time you come home, or before going out. Say "I
love you" every single day. Mind your manners,
and say "Please" and "Thank-you".
Do something for the one you love every day. Just because.
Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh
at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how
often you've heard them. Don't sweat the little things.
Try something new once in a while.
7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage.
This can be especially difficult today, but it's important
that you put your marriage first. If you're committed
to making your marriage a success, and you know that
your partner shares your commitment, there's nothing
that the two of you can't accomplish.
And you'll be one of the lucky few that
have a truly happy marriage!
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