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Don't Divorce Your Children
Divorce is certainly
an emotional time for families. In fact, it ranks as
one of the most stressful experiences in life. However,
it is not only the adults who experience this stress.
If the adults are parents, their children often suffer
greatly. Their suffering can not be entirely eliminated.
A certain amount of grief at the 'death' of their parents'
relationship is to be expected. Nevertheless, while
the adults are going through typically arduous legal
wrangling it is important for them to remember the needs
of their children and put them first. Deciding to cooperate
for their sake will help to protect the children's emotional
well being by maintaining their sense of security and
need for unconditional love. Marital breakdown is difficult
for everyone - especially children. There are several
ways in which loving, responsible parents can cooperate
for the good of their children. Even though the marriage
may have broken down, the parental relationship is 'till
death do us part'.
Child and youth counselors emphasize
that children need lasting relationships with both parents.
More often than not joint custody is granted because
of this accepted understanding. Ideally, the relationship
of the parents should be business-like and cooperative
for the sake of the children. Children should not witness
hostility between their parents and should not hear
negative statements about either parent. It is recommended
that parents commit to regularly scheduled meetings,
in a neutral location for the purpose of discussing
child-related issues. Education, medical, religious
and moral issues that concern the children's well- being
need to be dealt with by both parents. If emotions prohibit
calm conversation, there are often family justice counselors
available in the community to facilitate these important
meetings.
Children going through the divorce of
their parents usually have many questions and worries.
Compassionate responses are required and it certainly
takes mature parents in order to put aside their own
issues and help their children gain some understanding
about a situation over which they have no control. Unfortunately,
many children experience guilt and often blame themselves
for the marital breakup of their parents. Counseling
- whether group or individual - can be an effective
way to lessen this destructive burden. The objectivity
of the counselor may help the child open up and share
his/her feelings. As children mature, their questions
will differ so the issue of their parents' divorce is
never really over. A commitment on behalf of both parents
to open communication with the children will reassure
them greatly.
1howto.com
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