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Don't Divorce Your Children
Divorce is certainly
an emotional time for families. In fact, it ranks as
one of the most stressful experiences in life. However,
it is not only the adults who experience this stress.
If the adults are parents,
their children often suffer greatly. Their suffering
can not be entirely eliminated. A certain amount of
grief at the 'death' of their parents' relationship
is to be expected. Nevertheless, while the adults are
going through typically arduous legal wrangling it is
important for them to remember the needs of their children
and put them first. Deciding to cooperate for their
sake will help to protect the children's emotional well
being by maintaining their sense of security and need
for unconditional love. Marital breakdown is difficult
for everyone - especially children. There are several
ways in which loving, responsible parents can cooperate
for the good of their children. Even though the marriage
may have broken down, the parental relationship is 'till
death do us part'.
Child and youth counselors
emphasize that children need lasting relationships with
both parents. More often than not joint custody is granted
because of this accepted understanding. Ideally, the
relationship of the parents should be business-like
and cooperative for the sake of the children. Children
should not witness hostility between their parents and
should not hear negative statements about either parent.
It is recommended that parents commit to regularly scheduled
meetings, in a neutral location for the purpose of discussing
child-related issues. Education, medical, religious
and moral issues that concern the children's well- being
need to be dealt with by both parents. If emotions prohibit
calm conversation, there are often family justice counselors
available in the community to facilitate these important
meetings.
Children going through the divorce of
their parents usually have many questions and worries.
Compassionate responses are required and it certainly
takes mature parents in order to put aside their own
issues and help their children gain some understanding
about a situation over which they have no control. Unfortunately,
many children experience guilt and often blame themselves
for the marital breakup of their parents. Counseling
- whether group or individual - can be an effective
way to lessen this destructive burden. The objectivity
of the counselor may help the child open up and share
his/her feelings. As children mature, their questions
will differ so the issue of their parents' divorce is
never really over. A commitment on behalf of both parents
to open communication with the children will reassure
them greatly.
1howto.com
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