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Sexual Arousal: The Difference Between Men and Women
This can, and very often does, cause
problems in sexual relationships. But when couples understand
the differences between them and account for it in their
lovemaking, sex couldn't be better.
Men can become fully aroused in a matter
of minutes, if not seconds, responding quickly and easily
to fairly basic and and often predictable triggers -
a simple sight, sound, smell or touch. Sometimes male
arousal is a little too easy - most men have stories,
sometimes embarrassing stories, to tell about times
when they've become aroused despite their best efforts
not to.
For women sexual arousal is a slower,
more unpredictable, complex and sometimes-difficult
process. Not because women have different (and some
how less adequate) equipment from men but because women
think differently from men.
In general, men tend to focus on specific
issues and goals, one at a time, rather than the "big
picture". So, when sex is the focus, there is little
to dampen arousal because, for the time being, sex is
the only issue that matters. Never mind that the rest
of his life is falling apart - or that the current sexual
encounter might cause it to fall apart.
For women, quite the opposite is true.
Female sexuality is intricately and inextricably linked
to everything else in a woman's life: her emotions,
stress levels, feelings about herself and her surroundings
and, of course, her feelings about the man she's with.
In almost everything it's the big picture that counts
- women find it difficult to separate one aspect of
their lives from another. In fact, women are well known
for their ability to devote their energies and emotions
to several things at once.
However, women need to let go of the
big picture to become aroused. Because this goes against
the grain it takes a woman considerably more time than
it does a man to feel "in the mood". While
men block out other thoughts, women process a lot of
information en route to arousal, consciously and subconsciously.
This isn't to say that a woman runs
through a lengthy checklist in her head - "Health
of our relationship: fair, Desirability of male: very,
Feelings about my body: I hate it". It simply means
that a woman needs time for the big picture, and its
worries and concerns, to fade away, for her focus to
narrow down to the pleasures of the moment. "Yes
I feel fat but he can't get enough of me", "Yes
I did lock the door", "Wow, this wine is good"...
Depending on what's going on in the
big picture, this process can take just a little time
or quite a lot of time. The wise male, who is already
aroused and ready to go, will control himself and give
his partner the time she needs.
1howto.com
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