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Seven Ways to Stop Your Kids from Whining!
Here are seven steps
that you can take to “Stop the Whining!” and
get your children asking for things in a way that you
desire.
STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING
If you are serious about limiting the whining, you need
to stop what you’re doing and focus on your child
and give them attention. Listen to what they have to
say.
Boys will often talk in a very gruff
tone, while girls will speak with elevated voice. Encourage
them to speak so that they know they are being heard.
However you need to help them separate the way they
are speaking (their whining) from their request.
DESCRIBE THE CORRECT WAY OF ASKING
Firstly, address the method they are using to ask for
things – the whining. You may say something like,
“Jacob, you don’t need to whine when asking
for a biscuit.”
Then you demonstrate the way that you
want your child to ask for things. For instance, “Excuse
me mommy, biscuit please”, would suffice.
This will take repetition so as to reinforce
the correct technique for asking and is aimed at reducing
the whining. You may have to remind your child from
time to time about the “magic word” needed
when asking for things.
Or you may say “Pardon?” to
jolt their thinking – or even stare back at them
with raised eyebrows and wait for their response.
PRAISE YOUR CHILD FOR SPEAKING NICELY
When your child remembers the way to ask for things
in a nice manner, praise them! Say, “That was a
beautiful way of asking.”
This reinforces that they are following
the correct method. It is easy to forget that kids take
time to learn how to ask for things correctly, however
when they don’t have to be reminded then this is
a time to lavish on them exceptional praise and encouragement.
IS THE CHILD’S REQUEST REASONABLE?
When training children to request things in a nice manner,
and they achieve that, then it is recommended that you
comply with their request.
Hold it. What if your child is asking
for food, and dinner is only five minutes away from
being served? If the aim is to stop whining behavior
and get your child trained to speak nicely, then give
them some food, but in a very small amount. The key
is to focus on how the request is formed, whether it
is appropriate or not. If so, comply with their request.
WHAT TO DO IF WHINING CONTINUES?
Children know instinctively that they can get their
way by whining. So if whining continues you will need
to go back to the original method that you want them
to use for asking for things.
Say again, “Jacob, you don’t
need to whine when asking for a biscuit.” This
informs your child of the inappropriate behavior.
Then enforce your desired method of
asking for things, “Jacob say, Excuse me mommy,
biscuit please”.
WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD PROTESTS?
If the whining behavior continues, you need to describe
their undesirable behavior to them calmly, but firmly.
This is the time to take action. Describe
what you are doing so that they understand why you are
doing it. In relation to the biscuits, you may say,
“OK Jacob, if you aren’t able to ask nicely
then the biscuits go away for ten minutes. Now try again.”
You will need to follow through on your
action to demonstrate that you mean what you say –
else next time your child will know that whining is
a way to get what they want, and mommy doesn’t
really mean to threaten.
WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD BECOMES AGGRESSIVE?
Remember to describe the whining behavior, as well as
the correct method of asking for things. Then place
them in quiet time for 2 minutes. Placing them on a
chair or on a mat is ideal for this. Let them out of
quiet time once their behavior has quieted down. Then
you may want to go over the “nice way” of
asking for things before encouraging them to ask again.
If your child is becoming aggressive
and refuses to sit in quiet time, then you will need
to implement a “time out” strategy. Following
the lead of super-nanny, you will need to put them into
time out for a short period of time - calculated as
1 minute more than the age of your child. So if your
child is 4 years old, then place them in time out for
5 minutes. If the behavior continues, you will need
to learn the technique for dealing with temper tantrums.
Remember that by keeping your cool you will be able
to demonstrate the desired method of asking for things,
and help them to “stop the whining!”
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