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Communicate with your Child
“Ok, get up, get
dressed, grab some breakfast, brush your hair, the bus
is coming, have a nice day, love you, bye.” The
note read, “Hi honey how was your day? I have to
work until 4:30 today, I’ll be home soon. Grab
a snack and get started on your homework. I’ll
take you to basketball practice when I get there. Remember,
no TV until your homework is done.”
“Hi squirt, I’m home. Grab
your gym bag, we’re running late. Ok, I’m
just going to drop you off here. Your father will pick
you up when you’re done, then it’s a quick
bite to eat, a shower and straight to bed. You have
another busy day tomorrow.”
Life is so busy today. There are far
fewer stay at home parents, which translates into more
parents working outside the home, many working more
than one job. More kids are getting themselves off to
school on their own or coming home after school to notes
left on the table or to a voice mail message to greet
them.
If you can’t change the situation,
you can change the circumstances. Children, especially
pre-teens and teens are slipping between the cracks.
They need someone to talk to; preferably their parent.
“I try to talk to her, our schedule is just so
hectic” you cry. Something needs to give, or your
fragile child will break. “We’re doing fine”
you proclaim. Are you? Is “no news is good news”
always the case when it comes to thirteen year olds?
Get them talking! One statistic revealed
that talking 15 minutes a day with your children about
their lives will greatly decrease the likelihood of
your kids trying drugs. If even a fraction of that statistic
is accurate, isn’t it worth a shot?
Turn off the TV and the radio. Instead
of your children eating their cereal to the latest CD,
or while watching Nickelodeon in the morning, get in
some coffee talk with your child. If you’re running
around getting ready for work yourself, then you get
up 20 minutes earlier and be ready to open up the dialog
over toast.
If you drop Junior off on your way to
work, take those 5 minutes to drive with the radio OFF.
Ask questions. Like any good interviewer, ask leading
questions. Don’t give him a chance to grunt a simple
“ya or no”.
Start them early. If you have younger
children, from the day they start preschool or kindergarten,
insist on a ritual of “Tell me at least 5 things
about your day today; recess and lunch doesn’t
count” It will become habit that they are expected
to communicate. But you need to do your part in asking
those questions. Do not ignore the elephant in the room
and say nothing. Growing up is hard on children. They
need you. They just may not be able to verbalize it.
Here’s another great idea you can
start early, or start it now, it’s never too late.
If you truly are unable to squeeze in more teen-chat
with your child, if you’ve looked at eliminating
some activities and you simply can’t right now,
then it’s time for written communication. Get a
spiral notebook that will serve as your Parent/Child
Journal. Parent has to write what happened in his/her
day, activities, work, thoughts, concerns, etc. Give
it to child before bedtime. Child then takes it, reads
it, then adds his/her own journal entry about how her
day went. Parent has it back before he leaves or starts
his day. Repeat daily.
For many, it’s a lot easier to
write down thoughts and feelings than to have one on
one verbal communication. You must, not should, but
must keep or initiate those lines of communication with
your children. It’s not optional. That is a basic
need of all humans; they want to be heard, and they
want to know that someone cares about them.
Don’t beat yourself up if the lines
of communicate between you and your child haven’t
been the best up to this point. Start today fresh and
get talking!
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